Humor

List of Services

• Dr. Seuss Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
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• Rodney Dangerfield My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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• Will Rogers Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. - Will Rogers
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• Mark Twain A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. - Mark Twain
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• Robin Williams What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
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• Will Ferrell Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.
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• Milton Berle If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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• Ben Franklin Lost time is never found again.
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• Elbert Hubbard Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
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• Henry Kissinger There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
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• Yogi Berra A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. - Yogi Berra
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• Robert Louis Stevenson A friend is a present you give yourself.
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• Don Marquis Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
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• Robert Downey Jr. Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.
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• Captain Jack Sparrow “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?”
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• Ann Landers Dont accept your dogs admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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• Tina Fey You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.”
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• Herbert Hoover All men are equal before fish.
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• Yogi Berra If you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra
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• Theodore Roosevelt If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
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• Tom Peters If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade.
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• C.S. Lewis The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. - C.S. Lewis
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• Oscar Wilde I can resist everything except temptation.
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• Alice Roosevelt Longworth If you havent got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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• Abraham Lincoln How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?
  Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
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• Robert Louis Stevenson Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.
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• Robin Williams I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
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• Ben Franklin We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
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• Jean-Paul Sartre Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat.
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• John Adams Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order.
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• Oscar Wilde Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
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• Robin Williams You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
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• Isaac Asimov People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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• Winston Churchill If you're going through hell, keep going.
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• Erma Bombeck Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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• Margaret Mead Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
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• Rodney Dangerfield I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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• Robin Williams Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'
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• yogi Berra If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
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• Margaret Thatcher If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.
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• Benjamin Franklin Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
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• Will Rogers Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
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• Lucille Ball The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
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• Jane Wagner All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
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• Marilyn Monroe I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.
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• Eleanor Roosevelt A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
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• Will Rogers Too many people spend money they don't have to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers
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• Robin Williams Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
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